I am claiming £3,000 per/month in UK govt. hand outs for my kids, living on a tropical beach

I am claiming £3,000 per/month in UK govt. hand outs for my kids, whilst living on the beach in Thailand

You poor souls, going to work each day, paying you taxes, voting, and doing all that painful stuff whilst the snow drips off your freezing nose! Whilst I sit on a tropical beach and spend your tax money!!

Me? I gave birth to Pam this week and already have claimed £3,000 in benefits, had my free Health Service scan and now buying some lovely ADIDAS booties and PRADA romper suits and a David Beckham pram for Christmas for Pam!

Relax Daily Mail readers I am just winding you up!

I have had a baby: My virtual baby, and I will be making a virtual claim to the virtual government on the latest fun app called: My baby boo

My Baby Boo seeks to address an age old issue of teenage pregnancy in the UK by trying to make teens aware of what is actually involved in having a real baby.

The company behind it has been at the forefront of this issue for over a decade:

Life Choice brought the baby dolls into UK schools and the teens girls and boys alike took them home as part of their course work and the babies actually cried, wet their nappies at all hours. Back at school the teacher could then analyse the data from the baby, to see whether the pupil took reasonable care and changed nappies and gave enough ‘love.’ This then created interesting conversation and course work teens could really get into and enjoy as it is really part of their world!

Now it’s all available on your smart Phone and it’s not just for kids, perhaps your real kids are all grown up and flown the nest and you fancy a new one without the real trauma! Maybe you want to buy one for your five year old niece just for the learning experience, better than house training a real Puppy!

Once signed up; you can send your friends your scan and celebrate being pregnant, after your Baby Boo baby is born; you have to devote time for cuddles and change nappies and if you are not too devoted; Social care will pay a visit, and no amount of:
“It’s my uncle and aunt popping round for coffee they just work for Social services that’s all “ is going to satisfy your virtual neighbours, curtains twitching, curiosity into your parenting skills

The next step should be to make spurious virtual social security claims for your kids as you keep having more and I wonder of the game developers can make it that you get a virtual five bed semi in the suburbs for 5 or more illegitimate virtual kids..

I would also like to see that you could earn a velour track suit with ‘Delicious’ printed on the backside if you have been visited by the virtual social services more than three times. How about losing points for giving your virtual baby too many blue Smarties in their diet, and more points lost if they have more than three Greggs sausage rolls to keep them quiet whilst you nip into Weatherspoons for a couple of jars at dinner time!

Maybe later on we could have a virtual CSA who chase the fathers to pay up for the kids and perhaps soon My Baby Boo kids could have DNA tests on Jeremy Kyle show (Never watched it honest!) and shame their heavily tattooed wayward fathers into coughing up some virtual maintenance and watch the virtual language and virtual fights!

This all sounds like great fun and a way to educate teens and all of us that there’s such a huge difference to just being a parent and being a loving caring and responsible mum or a Dad!

So what are you going to call you baby? Kylie, Beyoncé or Porsche? Join me, Mum and little PAM and ‘My baby boo’ here:

My baby Boo