We asked AI to write us a blog for an expat giving us tips and tricks as to why we should approach New Year’s resolutions more positively and AI spat out the usual cacophony of insipid crap, if the robot had real feelings, it would be hurt enough to spit back and say; ‘Hey this is the culmination of all human knowledge if it’s crap then right back at you!” slamming the door on the way out!  

Are you just like me yeah whatever it’s just another day? Hoping to find a blog that tells you that hey most of us fall back asleep at 8 am after an hour staring at the phone hoping to get that miraculous email saying that some Chinese company with more money than sense wants to buy your start up idea and here’s a million bucks?

This is what the A.I. started with:

Hello and Happy New Year! Setting resolutions can be a powerful way to kick start positive changes in your life, especially as an expat. However, it’s essential to approach them with a realistic mindset. Here are some guidance, advice, and motivational words to help you navigate the journey of setting and keeping your New Year resolutions:

Pass the sick bucket!  I mean if this is what a blog is then I am a duckbilled Platypus!  It’s like a 6 year old’s heart hearted essay that he had to do or the teacher will be very annoyed indeed.

How about

Happy New Year suckers! You are a year closer death, did you know 117 foreigners died in road accidents in Thailand in 2023. Another 4,095 were injured.

You better be insured if you are travelling period!!

A.I. went on (really must we?!)

The Pros:

Clarity and Focus: Resolutions give you a clear direction for the year ahead. They help you set specific goals, giving your actions and decisions a purpose.

Positive Change: Resolutions encourage personal growth and development. Whether it’s adopting healthier habits, learning a new skill, or enhancing relationships, resolutions can be a catalyst for positive change.

Sense of Accomplishment: Achieving your resolutions can boost your confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate small victories along the way to stay motivated.

Adaptability: As an expat, resolutions can help you adapt to a new environment by setting goals that align with your personal and cultural values.

Kill me now with a blunt butter knife!

Again the A.I. would shrug its shoulders and say well we have to be bright and cheerful based on the data that’s on the internet. Does AI not realise that most of the stuff on the internet prior to AI becoming a thing, was written to the search engine robots, and we were told back then to write like a 5 year old cos then the keywords flow, we didn’t care if humans read it all we wanted to do was send them to a website so they thought jeez this sucks, let me talk to a human.

Humans are by nature dour creatures we live with the premise of yin and yang, we know we like cake but we also know it makes us fat and unhealthy! We expect misery, with some nice days that we live for and we expect to die one day!

Becoming an expat means you have a taste for some adventure, you are not just happy to sit at home in your home country slowly fading away! But with that adventure comes new horizons and new things to learn new driving rules for example and woe betide anyone who arrives in Phuket on day One rents a scooter and overtakes and not expects someone else to do the same thing on blind bends, see Thais are Buddhists they get a second shot if you are not Buddhist you just booked your one-way trip to meet thy maker or worse spend new year in traction at 500 USD A DAY!

Hope you got Insurance!

Must we continue?

 The Cons:

Unrealistic Expectations: Setting overly ambitious resolutions can lead to frustration and disappointment. Be realistic about your goals, considering your current circumstances and lifestyle.

Lack of Planning: Without a concrete plan, resolutions may remain mere wishes. Break down your goals into actionable steps and create a timeline to keep yourself accountable.

Losing Momentum: It’s common to lose motivation over time. Combat this by regularly reviewing your progress, adjusting goals if necessary, and seeking support from friends, family, or fellow expats.

External Influences: As an expat, external factors like cultural differences or unexpected events may impact your resolutions. Stay flexible and be open to adjusting your necessary.

Is that the worse you can think of, have you even studied human life?

How about how to cope with thinking about how many people you have lost in your family since you were a happy kid with all your siblings and the warm comfort of healthy parents to shield you from the very misery that is the cost of living, the cost of healthcare for expats in Thailand:

Motivational Words:

Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Embrace the challenges, learn from setbacks, and celebrate your victories, no matter how minor. As an expat, you have a unique opportunity to explore new facets of yourself and your surroundings. Keep your resolutions aligned with your values and enjoy the transformative journey that lies ahead. Happy New Year, and we hope this year be filled with growth, joy, and fulfillment!

Pass the sick bucket!

I want this A.I. robot to spend a week with a normal human being and realise why we sigh when every time you try to lean the bag full of shopping against the wall to get your key out the pocket that’s always opposite the arm you use most, and the bag 9 times out of ten the contents of the bag spills all over the floor, its endemic of being human.

What we say as humans is hope you make it to the end of this year and do better than you did last year I hope the spots on your bum fade and that you find some way to motivate yourself through the never ending path to dying.

And hope you got a will and decent life and medical insurance for when you do kick the proverbial bucket I won’t be far behind!

Buckle up buttercup you are not alone!

Happy bloody New Year! 

AND Screw you A.I. you have not got old age, diseases and death to contend with